Today I danced like no one was watching.

It was so ridiculously fun.

I think I'm gonna go do it again.

I am clinically depressed. I have been on thirty milligrams of Prozac for about eight months (twenty for the year before), but I don't always take it. Sometimes I forget. When I forget, I get depressed. Then I get too depressed to start up again. Tomorrow I am either going to up my dosage, or change to Paxil.

I have abysmally low self-esteem. While I am proud of a few accomplishments, and satisfied with some of the character traits that life and genetics have dealt me, I hate my own body and face and can't get away from the reputation I have crafted around myself.

I talk to myself. That's all under a tag called "introspective". I only have two aspects to my psyche: the rational optimism and the misanthropic pessimism. Mes has been very inactive lately, except for a few days ago. That upset me a lot, that she showed up again.

In sixth grade, I had a teacher who refused to accept my reasons for missing or late assignments. She constantly cited the difference between "reason" and "excuse", and somehow my reasons were actually excuses. Never in that entire grade did I learn what she thought was the difference between the two. Now everything I think is an excuse. Like this post for my behavior in the RP!S bullshit.

It's not. I don't know what it is, but I really hope it's not an excuse. (I wouldn't know the difference.)

The fuck is wrong with me.

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever music player you have on random.
Step 2: Post a line/stanza from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Bold the songs when someone guesses correctly

It took me fifty songs before I actually had twenty with lyrics. lol video game soundtracks

( I heard / a nostalgic song / somewhere far away )

Just a note for Soul Eater fans:

FUNimation's going to be streaming the first four episodes dubbed on their site here at 11AM CST (12PM EST for you people in gangsta time).

SHORT NOTICE, but I just heard about it when I woke up a few hours ago, so. :1

And with that I'm going back to sleep. o/


edit; Now that I'm looking at the site, there doesn't seem to be any livestream, but the episodes are uploaded for viewing.

Official dvd release date: February 9, 2010.

Ugggh I woke up crying this morning. x_x; I dreamt that my grandpa died (last remaining grandparent) and I was back home and we were running around trying to prepare for the flight out for the funeral and mom was bitching at everyone and I was fretting about my calculus midterm at the same time and just ugggh it was horrible. D: I was really confused when I woke up though since I'd been crying really hard in the dream and suddenly I... wasn't really crying much at all. XD; I was so glad to wake up though, omg. ;~;

But yeah that really threw me into a funk this morning. I laid in bed longer than I'd intended and ran low on time. I REALLY needed a shower so I took that and by the time I finished up and was nearly ready to go to class, it was 11AM and the last possible bus that gets me there would leave at 11:11 and there's no way I'd make that. (I... don't have a shirt on, let alone the rest of the stuff I need to go outside. hahaha.)

SO I'M SKIPPING CLASS TODAY. 8/ I'll make myself feel better about it by doing the CS assignment due next week really early or something. And I'll clean up my room because it's getting really gross and cluttered and stifling ick.

And then hopefully Global will toss Glee up on their internet stream so I can watch this week's episode. n_n;

TONIGHT:
• Grade papers foreveeeeer!
• Run the load of whites through the dryer!
• Attempt to sign up for classes again!

TOMORROW:
• House-sit for brief time!
• Cook dinner!
• Catch up on math assignments!

FRIDAY:
• Finish writing goddamn essay!
• Edit both bibliographies!
• Stay overnight at sittee house!

SATURDAY:
• Do art assignment!
• Demand that my mother edit my paper!
• Run darks through washer and dryer!

SUNDAY:
• Make final edits to mah essay!
• Write my essay reflection!
• Grade even more papers!

Why am I so bad at keeping things in my head?

/sob

This essay is going super-slow, but I'm already x50 more pleased with it than I was with the last draft. This was a good idea. I hope that my professor takes note that I revised this thing twice more than your average bear.

I'm cat-sitting for the rest of the week, so my internet-ness might be a little weird until Monday? Or I'll be the same as usual, just with more randomly going missing for an hour or something. There's a cat here that refuses to take his medicine, and it's taking all of my efforts to convince him that, no, really, you want to eat this.

I struggled with a child-proof cap for like twenty minutes. Perhaps ironically, I'm wearing my "Child-proof caps have spoiled my happiness" shirt.

/goes back to writing, four paragraphs to go!

I only post stupid shit these days. What a waste I am. Stole this from deviator WHOSE LINES I CANNOT GUESS.

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever music player you have on random.
Step 2: Post a line/stanza from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Bold the songs when someone guesses correctly. (No Cheating)

( under here OH GOD I HAVE SUCH OBSCURE MUSIC )



GOOD GOD HOW AM I STILL AWAKE what is wrong with me. I should sleep but I'm so weird aaaahhhh

[21:23] auriatetsukai: I wish I could help people.
[21:23] auriatetsukai: in some way other than just being the bleeder.
( Learning. )

I think I just explored a part of myself that I hadn't known was there.

Also, sorry for emoing about Ryune. Again.

So today I went to the college to clear up a few things, including getting my student ID (as I am lazy and hadn't done so, but I've been back to classes for two semesters now) and getting the shot for H1N1.
Yes, that's right. Before anyone double-takes, I got the shot against H1N1.
Let me tell you a story. It's called, Sierra is a guinea pig all of the time and ((honestly, I don't mind, it would make my body used to it if I did get it)) didn't want to get H1N1. But... it kind of hurts my muscle in my left arm when I try to strain it. Otherwise, everything is A-OK. I guess that's normal for even the regular flu shot...? I haven't ever gotten a flu shot so I wouldn't know.
Alas, I had a cold before I got the shot though, haha. I am so tired, man.

Because I don't post in here very often anymore, I would like to say hello to chiiko_chan! =)

I am

going

to watch

the end

of that episode

four. billion. times.

Yeah I already gave up on that one-blog-a-day thing. :/ I suck. Oh well.

Today was pretty crappy. I woke up and rolled over to turn on my computers. I've gotten back into using my laptop + external monitor setup recently and since it won't recognize that it has a wifi adapter, I have to share the internet connection from my netbook. Annoying... but it gets the job done. This morning, however? LOL NOPE.

My laptop starts up and about 15 seconds later, it reboots itself. Repeatedly. It'll keep doing that until I hold down the power button to stop it. And the display doesn't work--nothing shows up on the screen whether it's the primary display or an external one. :/ I contacted HP and they gave me a few things to try, one of which was to take out the RAM and remount it.

Sooo I got up, dressed, and headed out. Stopped at Zeller's when I got to the mall hoping they'd have a screwdriver (I don't have one of my own which is why I was out, lol) and while I didn't find one, I did find the Jakks Pichu figure. Omg so cute. ;w; So I bought that and walked up to Home Depot. Someone there helped me figure out what I needed and then I came home. Unfortunately it was all for pretty much nothing since that didn't work. XD; HP has decided it's my motherboard.

I don't really want to spend ~$200 fixing my laptop since diagnosing the actual problem (I don't trust HP) and then repairing it could be pricey. It just wouldn't make sense to pay that much when a new computer isn't too much more. :( I called my parents and asked for advice and we're trying to decide what to do. I don't *NEED* a full computer but it makes things a LOT easier because there's only so much I can do on my netbook with only 1GB ram and a resolution of 1024*600. I'd love to get another decent-sized notebook so I can continue to dual-screen but anything I want is well out of my price range so we're looking at desktops now. This is just... really annoying, because I don't have money much to work with (I don't want my parents paying all of this) and I WAS hoping to save up somewhat for a new DS since mine is dying. ;_; *sigh*

But lol yeah HP made me cry again. :'( Haaaaaaaate it so much. (Honestly how hard can it be to send a box internationally?? Why should the CUSTOMER have to be the one jumping through hoops?) Oh, and sorry to the people I was probably mean to today. Dealing with HP always puts me in an AWFUL mood so I was pretty snippy and unattentive to anyone who popped up on MSN. u_u

*sigh* Well, I got NOTHING done that I'd wanted to get done today. May as well go to bed and try again tomorrow.

DRAWME!

YEAHHHH
i will slowly, slowly get to doing everyone else's!! so if you get a super late reply from me, yeah

( Storytime! )

I think Seattle heard my screams.

I think Superman and Batman: Public Enemies is the gayest DC movie I've seen to date. Not even Power Girl's boobs could save it.

I just thought I'd share that. 8| /goes back to being productive elsewhere

I kind of hate myself.

Only kind of.